Winter 2016-2017 Developing Leaders

Mike, I agree in your clear statement that "Bad things do not get better with time."  It's true when my strawberries start to grow mold in the fridge, they are not going to suddenly get better if I ignore them.  Perhaps, it would lead to the entire fridge getting moldy.  The approach of this situation certainly is "delicate."  In that light, I see such strong value in the Bradberry and Greaves book emphasizing the four emotional qualities.  Being cautious of yourself with self-awareness (pg 75), paying attention to body language and looking for the entire picture with social awareness (pg 141, 171), as well as taking on difficult conversations with relationship management (pg 219) all seem to be critical areas in which to engage in this process.

I am curious how this face to face approach plays out with power dynamics, oppression/sexism, and people who are already traumatized sexually. It seems incredibly risky in terms of reinforcing trauma to require someone who has been trespassed upon to sit down with the person that was exerting inappropriate power over them to discuss. If the victim has a history of being sexually abused, experiencing domestic abuse, or has other sexual trauma, the power dynamics become even more fraught.  Requiring a path to forgiveness also seems to prioritize conformance and an end point of a smooth surface function over deeper justice and healing, and ignores the implications of trauma experience on the congregants. How would you integrate justice and healing in such a way that reconciliation and forgiveness were outcomes instead of destinations? 

Mike, you definitely took on the "tough" case study.  This is a "delicate" situation and one that can so easily be mishandled.  Having denominational handbooks, policies and governing bodies as resources on which to draw helps to guide pastors and lay leadership in these situations.  You cite two key points -- confidentiality and witnesses.  Confidentiality in matters such as this is extremely important, Regretfully, I've observed situations where some have failed to follow those guidelines and that makes matters more difficult to handle and can have lasting consequences.  Witnesses are important as well.  It is amazing how different the recollection of conversations can be whether intentional or unintentional, having witnesses and documenting the meetings is very helpful, should there be a need to recollect the meeting at a later point in time.  

Mike,

Few people pick this one!  Well done thinking it through clearly.  The only thing I would add to this is that every congregation should have (for legal reasons) a sexual misconduct policy (Which you ask for here).  I think it is unlikely that a situation where you have an allegation of "sexual advances" is going to be resolved by sitting people down and having them talk to one another.  This will likely involve a more formal process (although there isn't enough information here to know that for sure).   I'd be in contact with an attorney in a case like this, and I'd like any judicatory know.

Well done.