Theology and Leadership Post

Petit - week 3

Petit - week 3

by Heather Petit -
Number of replies: 3

"You may possess only a small light, but uncover it, let it shine, use it in order to bring more light and understanding to the hearts and minds of men and women. Give them not Hell, but hope and courage." - John Murray, Universalist minister (December 10, 1741 – September 3, 1815)

I have often described myself as more of a Universalist than a Unitarian. I don't really have anything against the trinity, polytheism, etc. Pagan practice is pretty polytheist, after all. And I am fond of John Murray as a local boy (south Jersey), who let the the way be opened before him into ministry. 

In a leadership sense, I am a lot about developing the skills and talents of my team, offering opportunity, and directing without punitive responses. Blame is not central, where do we go from here is central. How do we find our way toward something good, not just flee something bad. The best leaders I've had from a business perspective did this well - taught us to make big changes because we were going toward something, not just leaving something we disliked. Even if it was a bad situation, we needed to discern direction before moving, or we would end up in another bad spot and not know what happened or how to get out of that one. It leads to a cycle of disasters. Others have done a really good job of taking even the most costly mistakes and turning it into areas to uncover and feed the lights that we have that aren't our brightest or most well tended areas of ability - but with careful tending and support, those lights can get stronger. 

On the downside, if this is taken too far, it's possible to provide insufficient information on what to do and what not to do, and one cannot get rid of really toxic players. Not everyone is working from a place of wholeness, generosity of spirit, or courage. My current boss reminds us that from a business leadership perspective, we are not therapists - we aren't going to fix the fear-based motivation system of the guy who came from an abusive family with an authoritarian alcoholic father. Motivating that person by opening opportunities for growth in areas they're not feeling already like a bright flame isn't going to work - they don't understand that system, and they aren't likely to trust it. And in a business leadership situation, allowing someone who consistently disrespects the client to not feel any kind of wrath of Hell isn't going to help, either. When the danger is off, they just don't have the habits or practices at hand to continue moving in a useful direction, and think all the rules went away instead of just the hurt going away. 

While I have convinced one person (without being their therapist) to move into growth and shine the little light they had in a difficult spot for them, in order to grow it, it took a lot of time and investment on my part, and it did actually require them to experience more than just discomfort - they had to hear how they were being viewed by others because of their constant retreats from anything to do with the spaces where they didn't think they had enough light to bother uncovering it. That was really uncomfortable for them, personally painful. Leaving it just at that, though, would have just resulted in them quitting. Pairing it with opportunity, hope, encouragement that even the smallest capacity would be approved of and supported and encouraged and fed allowed them space to move into - even though they didn't trust it entirely, the paired pressure and opportunity helped them get unstuck. It took months of work to do it. It changed their life and their working relationships in some impressive ways. And it's not something that is possible in every situation. 

In reply to Heather Petit

Re: Petit - week 3

by Zoe Dheedene -

Heather, helping someone who is deeply in need is one of the most demanding branches of leadership. I really agree with your communal view of things, and I love the visual of letting our lights shine and empowering others to do the same (My quote had a somewhat similar theme). I can see this approach's potential to miss opportunities to correct certain situations. You said that, in the business world, you aren't therapists and that when emotionally unstable people emerge they need to be corrected, sometimes nurturing simply doesn't accomplish what needs to be done. I believe that this would be a somewhat different equation in ministry. I think that most of us here know that those involved in church leadership aren't always the healthiest contributors, and what happens when you need to deal with something similar to your presented scenario and the leader is viewed as a therapist, in a sense? Just a thought.

In reply to Zoe Dheedene

Re: Petit - week 3

by Heather Petit -

In UU ministry, ministers *still* aren't considered therapists, and that's made super clear. You really get three conversations on the same topic before you are offered help with finding a therapist. At least we can do that much! (In business, not so much.) 


In reply to Heather Petit

Re: Petit - week 3

by Michael Wilson -

Great post -- you have a leadership style that cares about people and seeks to develop other people. I want you to pay attention to the affiliative style tomorrow when we are talking about leadership styles -- I think it fits with where you are seeking to head as a leader.