Betsy,
Great analysis. And great insight into the similar expectations of several of the people involved here.
I think part of your next steps will also need to involve what the Emotional Intelligence work calls "social awareness" and "relationship management." The way the these people are acting and the communication patterns of this congregation will also need attention. I like you idea of attending a board and starting with listening -- which will certainly help get a sense of the relational patterns of this congregation.