It's hard to pin down my earliest memories but I think there was always a bit of dualism. I remember when I was young and in a store, I'd ask for something. My parents would often say its either too much or not worth it. So, I learned to think critically about the value of things. I also internalized this idea of scarcity to an extent. (My folks were working class and not the best at financial management so the constraint was real but I now wonder how it might have been different had we opted for a mindset of sufficiency.) In my formative years, I learned alot of anxiety about money. My parents gave me an allowance to teach me to manage money on my own. I learned that money was associated with toil and responsibility. If I wanted to live a life of less toil, I should go to college to make more money. (What I was supposed to do in college or how they would translate to more money was never clear to me. I still look in bewilderment at office buildings and wonder what people do in them all day.) I also remember my parents fighting alot about money. Dad was often upset with mom for her spending. I remember seeing that fighting and thought the answer was to not want stuff and do without so I kind of opted out of the money game in some ways.
As a leader, this will give me an awareness of the anxieties many people have around money. This would also instill in me a frugality that may not always be constructive. I view the stewardship of a church’s finances as an awesome responsibility. I’ll need to work on keeping in mind that the money is there to be used.